Finding my true happiness

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Usually in life we tend to cast our happiness in every thing around us like relationships, material things, dreams and we don’t get time to think about what would happen if all of those are no longer there. Wet get so lost in in trying to find happiness everywhere else and we ignore the most important place where happiness really resides which is ourselves. I used to be one of those people who looked for happiness in wrong places and was never able to find it.

Long time ago I was admitted into a foreign school, obviously the school was so far away from home.Getting admitted into that school was like a dream come true. It was truly a blessing from God. I was excited and all I could think about was all the opportunities I will get and all the new friends I was gonna make. I thought I was starting a new amazing chapter of my life. I didn’t know it was gonna be the hardest parts of my life. When the time arrived to go to school I was even more excited because I found out that some of my high school colleagues were going to the same school. I couldn’t wait to start the amazing journey. When I got to there, I had a very warmth welcome. I was thanking God for bringing me to such a nice school. In addition to that my roommate was someone that already knew so you can imagine how excited I was.

I made new friends really quickly even if I am shy sometimes and nothing made me happier than spending time with them. We used to hangout so many times and I ended up Considering them as my family while I was away from home. Of course Someone changes from a stranger to a family because you trust them. So I trusted all of them and used to share all my deepest secrets with them. I was so naive that time and I didn’t realize that despite the trust and the value I gave them, they never did the same. They never valued those friendship that I considered as a precious treasure as I did.

They used to say they were my friends but their actions said the contrary. As time went by they didn’t want to hangout with me anymore, they always had excuses anytime I organize a get together. They were never happy for my success. I remember one time I was very excited about an amazing job offer but I was very surprised that they were angry when I told them instead of celebrating with me. I also remember that one time I went to the doctor and she told me I might have a tumor in the brain. That was very scary and I really wanted those friends to be there but guess what none of them were . Instead I was always treated as a stranger or someone they never knew.

As I said earlier, hanging out with them was my favorite moment and it made me so happy. When all those moments started fading away, my happiness went with them too. I mean all my happiness depended on them so I tried to do everything I could to restore the relationships so that I could get my happiness back. I spent endless days trying to figure out what I did wrong or what was wrong with me but I never found any answer to any of those questions.

So I started a new life. I was lonely and always lost in my thoughts. The only friend that never left me was my phone. You might think I am crazy but it was the only choice i had. I changed from someone who used to be always happy and laughing all the time to someone quiet who was always scrolling through her phone. Even though i was acting as if it didn’t hurt, deep inside my heart it was painful. I remember one time I couldn’t take it anymore and even though it was snowing so hard I went next to my church and cried for hours. I was living as someone who was in jail in an isolated cell with no one else but himself and his phone.

I was living through this darkness and I used to blame myself for everything. The only friend that I had I mean my phone helped me to gain more true friend. Even though they were not with me physically their friendship were stronger than any other. Those true friends were the one that reminded me that I was not the problem, that I shouldn’t be blaming myself for everything that happened because it was destroying who I was. Thankfully those friends brought light back Into my life and taught me that true happiness is never found outside, that instead it is found with ourselves. Even though I had to learn this the hard way, I am thankful for what happened as it made me stronger

Lesson: we should learn to find true happiness within ourselves
never cast your happiness on things or relationships because once all those things fade away you also loose your happiness
If a relationship is hurting you be brave enough to walk away before you get destroyed,

You deserve better!

photo credit: vashtiharrison.com

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